then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
