i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
