we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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