franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
