Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
