Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
