The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize