I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
