It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
