Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize