My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
