I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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