so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
