Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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