Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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