My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
