just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
