About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
