dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
vagina is talking i cant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
