My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i dont even know how to be here
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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