I wish my penis had an off switch
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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