Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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