a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
