yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
