Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
