I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
