I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
