I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
