my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
