So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
