I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will be naked everywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
