A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
