Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
