i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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