There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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