It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
