I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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