he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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