So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
