Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
