i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
