she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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