You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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