i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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