I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
