so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
