I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize