Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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