You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize