my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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