I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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