You're so nebulous sometimes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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