So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
