i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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