Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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