i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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