I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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