she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
