Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
