smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
