I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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