Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He shit in the fireplace
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
