I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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