He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He did a backflip because drugs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
