Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
