the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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