capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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