I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jerry, you need to find god
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
