the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
